Just a ranting about life, minimalism, gardening, kitchen, food, deco

Have you ever been in situation where you have no energy to talk what you think and feel? You think it much better to shut yourself out and be alone then to face all the people that has make you feel weak and sad? Even that is your own family members? Or you avoid to talk to them to avoid to create more enmity between you and them? I know the feeling... it hurt, really really hurting but life has to move on. No matter how much you have do, these people wont treat you as you thought you deserve, a little recognition and praise ... I guess that is why people said, never ask and hope anything in return. It to avoid disappointment and sadness in the end. People would not remember a million good things you did, but if there is one little thing that make them feel hurt, they will remember that instead. That's what people are, right? Forgetful. It also happen to me.

There will be many instances in life whereby you regret the decisions that you've made in life... Have you feel that? I did, many times actually, many times.... But then, it has happenne, so, there is no way I can turn back the time now ... or change it to suit what I thought will be good... That's why people said, the past is past, it is already gone... It is ok. These are times where by accepting the mistake that I make will make me more mature and persevere in life... Because once it done, it done... But, there are more things to look forward in life... do not let things that make me feel suffocated holding me back... what I need to do is just smile and walk on ..The thing is, why bother, because there are so much more in life that I can look forward to, places to go, people to meet, and so much more. It is ok not to follow the crowd and make the decision that I think was the best during that time, because every decision that I have made is a result of years of experie...

There is a saying stated if you want to talk fast, walk alone, but if you want to walk far, walk together.... Which one is you? Me? Usually I always find myself to walk alone.... alone doesnt scare me, it just sometimes it can be lonely ... But again, the journey of life can be lonely too... but That is different matter... But the conclusion is, it is better to walk together, but sometimes circumtances are not always on your side, and you have to walk alone, either because of your own choice or fate... just do not stop walking. You must keep on walking, do not be static and pray hard... pray Allah will help you in that journey.. in that walk ... because you do not know what could have waiting for you at the other side of that journey... You do not know what people are going through, do not judge... be kind, be nice...

So, I have decided to continue my study in Phd ... a decision that I dreaded to do a year ago, thinking that I am having a phobia of doing a thesis, a thing that make me so damn tense. But today, I have decided to pursue Phd because of few things. First, because I am a single woman, who haven't got married yet and people said that I do not have much commitment, so I decided to use that extra moment that I have to do something useful, even though I am scare. Second, I kind in a stable position. I have a permanent and stable job. I finish paying off my car and even though I still have my education loan that I took during my degree program that are still not paying off, and yet I still managed to pay for my master without taking loan, I think I am doing ok. Moreover I still have my parents who support me. Thirdly, I need challenges in life. If not, life will be boring and I will be stagnant. So, I must do this. I know the journey will be hard and long and windy, but I think wi...

Turn out I haven't updated my blog for quiet some time. 2016 has been a very good year to me so far, just a hiccup here and there and yet I still survived and still moving on. But, one thing I found out at the age of nearly 33,  strong will is very important, the habit that we cultivated all our life is also very important. It because I found out, during turmoil situation all these habits and strong will and perseverance that I have been holding on will shape whatever decision that I make when I face challenges. It whether i break or walk on or keep on the same path, no changing happen whatsoever. I need to have a stand on my life, so I won't be like grass, just follow wind whether I go to east or south, or anywhere that the wind takes me. Used to be, I am that kind of person, an Ok kind of person, because my motto is simple, I wont disturb people and hopefully they will do the same. But, it wont happen as easily as that. There will be circumstances that force me to go out ...

I remember while I was working and studying at the same time,as I was juggling between both, I worked hard and managed it, even though not very proficient, but I managed. The pressure to do both quiet tough, but because of the desperation, I managed. But now, after I completing my study, I found out that I am slacking off. It takes me a while to complete or do simple task. I prefer to do it all in one basket and thus I take longer time and procrastinate a lot. I do not like it. Sometimes, my mind wonder here and there, and while searching, I found something interesting and I ended not doing my work even thogh previously the same workload only take me a while to complete it. Maybe because I am too free, I become like this.

At the age of 30 ++, it seems to me that I lost my focus now ... maybe because I keep repeating doing the same thing again and again ... there's no thrill anymore. After finishing my master degree, I found life has become a little bit empty with a lot of spare time. Kind weird too that I do not like to watch drama or movie as much I like to do previously and do other hobbies, like cooking or sewing, not really interest me.... maybe because I'm not a very particular person and just like to do how I want to do. Maybe I should start something new or maybe restart back ... just maybe... like people said, there are so many things to look forward and as I am not very sociable person, I think, maybe I should start writing, reading and relearning but doing Phd is totally out of questions for now.