Saturday, December 3, 2016

The thing is ...

The thing is, I just want to get far away from you, you have been in my mind for quiet some time and I do not like it. I regret the things that we did together, or the things that I did for you. I wish I really wish you do not come to my room on that day and started the conversation.

I think, I have done too much for you and you do not deserve to be in my mind. I hate that I keep thinking about you and the fact that there is not a little bit of you that I like. But I keep be in situation that I have to do your task, do your work and I do not get anything in return.

I wish for you to go away, as far as possible and there is no way for me to communicate or remember you. I do not like you. You are the same like any guy that I knew, just used me for your own benefits. So now, please go away as far as possible and please do not return.

Appreciate a little things in life

Life is not always about a big picture or what lies ahead ... Life is also about all small things that we do in life ...

Wake up at 6 am every morning, praying, hoping, telling the One, and do the things that we normally do, boil water, make breakfast, clean up the mess, and if you have cildren, oh, how wonderful it is to wake up with your own, the gift of life...

Well, not all can have all that, so, be appreciate all the things that you and I have. I wont way it a little because some one or some one else will not see it as small ...

A comfortable bed, food, clean water, parents, air to breath, healthy body, a laptop, an internet... so many to list , thus, I am thankful to be wake up this beautiful morning with a faith, with a roof under my head, food, water, to live my life. Life is beautiful .... and I am thankful for it.

Thursday, December 1, 2016

2016

Its December 2016, a month left before the end of 2016 .... wow, what a year to me.....

Looking back, nothing much happen, but emotionally, I am exhausted ... I dream of a new place far from the current situation I living in now .... but it just a dream, as I have my obligations here, back home.

Its been emotional ride, ups and down and weirdly it revolves people around me, and not so much of me.....
But more how do I react to the situation that happen around me ... Its been a great journey, but really taking tolls to my mind and emotion.

Its ok not to like someone, but do not do bad things to them, even bad mouth them ... because you just knew that person is toxic to you, if you cannot help someone, do not be their poison ...

Actually, when you do not like the person, the other person knew, and it depends on how th eother person responded, either to run away or just quiet or retaliate.

I used to have a feeling to retaliate, but I found out that harm will be much on me, then the other person, so it much better for me to just let go and for the new beginning, I plan to ignore and focus more on me..... I do not want to waste anymore energy towards person who doesnt give any benefits towards me.

I found out the better we handle a situation is, the easier life is ... dont think too much, it much better just do it, and do what your heart wants you to do.

But for now, I do not know what my heart wants to do.

Wednesday, August 31, 2016

To stay quiet

Have you ever been in situation where you have no energy to talk what you think and feel? You think it much better to shut yourself out and be alone then to face all the people that has make you feel weak and sad? Even that is your own family members?

Or you avoid to talk to them to avoid to create more enmity between you and them?

I know the feeling... it hurt, really really hurting but life has to move on.

No matter how much you have do, these people wont treat you as you thought you deserve, a little recognition and praise ... I guess that is why people said, never ask and hope anything in return. It to avoid disappointment and sadness in the end.

People would not remember a million good things you did, but if there is one little thing that make them feel hurt, they will remember that instead. That's what people are, right? Forgetful. It also happen to me.

Sunday, June 26, 2016

The thing about acceptance, personality and being who you are

There will be many instances in life whereby you regret the decisions that you've made in life... Have you feel that? I did, many times actually, many times.... But then, it has happenne, so, there is no way I can turn back the time now ... or change it to suit what I thought will be good...

That's why people said, the past is past, it is already gone... It is ok. These are times where by accepting the mistake that I make will make me more mature and persevere in life... Because once it done, it done...

But, there are more things to look forward in life... do not let things that make me feel suffocated holding me back... what I need to do is just smile and walk on ..The thing is, why bother, because there are so much more in life that I can look forward to, places to go, people to meet, and so much more.

It is ok not to follow the crowd and make the decision that I think was the best during that time, because every decision that I have made is a result of years of experiences and set set back that I have encounter. I might look silly and bad, but, it is not anybody judgement,it is Allah judgement and Allah is full of mercy. I will be me, and I cannot be someone else just so that I will feel fit in. Just trust Allah and keep on walking and focus on things that I should be focusing on. Its ok, Its going to be ok.

Thursday, June 16, 2016

walking....

There is a saying stated if you want to talk fast, walk alone, but if you want to walk far, walk together....

Which one is you? Me? Usually I always find myself to walk alone.... alone doesnt scare me, it just sometimes it can be lonely ... But again, the journey of life can be lonely too... but That is different matter...

But the conclusion is, it is better to walk together, but sometimes circumtances are not always on your side, and you have to walk alone, either because of your own choice or fate... just do not stop walking. You must keep on walking, do not be static and pray hard... pray Allah will help you in that journey.. in that walk ... because you do not know what could have waiting for you at the other side of that journey...

You do not know what people are going through, do not judge... be kind, be nice...

Saturday, May 7, 2016

Making a big decision

So, I have decided to continue my study in Phd ... a decision that I dreaded to do a year ago, thinking that I am having a phobia of doing a thesis, a thing that make me so damn tense. But today, I have decided to pursue Phd because of few things.

First, because I am a single woman, who haven't got married yet and people said that I do not have much commitment, so I decided to use that extra moment that I have to do something useful, even though I am scare.

Second, I kind in a stable position. I have a permanent and stable job. I finish paying off my car and even though I still have my education loan that I took during my degree program that are still not paying off, and yet I still managed to pay for my master without taking loan, I think I am doing ok. Moreover I still have my parents who support me.

Thirdly, I need challenges in life. If not, life will be boring and I will be stagnant. So, I must do this.

I know the journey will be hard and long and windy, but I think with this journey, it will help me to be nearer to Allah, because that is my purpose, to be a good servant of Allah.